Thursday, August 21, 2008

Aside from a few splinters, he was fine

I was just reading the Wiki page on the recently murdered Bill Gwatney, who was the Chairman of the Arkansas Democratic Party, when I noticed something kind of silly.

(Before I proceed with the silliness, I first want to express my sincere condolences to Mr. Gwatney's family in their time of loss.)

First, I understand that in order to make certain terms gender-neutral, you have to remove the "-man" or "-woman" suffix. In this instance, call me old-fashioned, I have still referred to Gwatney as "chairman" because he was, in fact, a man. If a woman held the post, I would call her "chairwoman".

In the Wiki article, the term "chair" is used to describe Gwatney's title. A chair, as anyone with a brain bigger than a blueberry knows, is also a piece of furniture that one can sit in. The multiple definitions of this word can lead to awkward or funny-sounding sentences, like the one I've spent two paragraphs not telling you.

Here's the way the article reads as of this moment (emphasis mine):

On August 13, 2008, Gwatney was fatally wounded when a man, identified in news reports as Timothy Dale Johnson, 50, entered Democratic Party headquarters in Little Rock, Arkansas and shot Gwatney three times. The Arkansas Democratic Party chair was taken to a hospital, but died at 3:59 pm CDT.

So the guy was shot three times and they took the chair to the hospital??? Where are your values, people??!!

1 Talked Back:

At August 22, 2008 at 7:58:00 PM CDT, Blogger Andrew Weaver said...

A classic example of taking gender sensitivity way too far.

 

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"It's all about the money, boys"

I found it quite curious that the top three stories on Google about Hurricane Tropical Storm Fay were on money- and business-related news sites:

Friday, August 15, 2008

It's time for some holy target practice

This is about the funniest Christian "call to arms" I have ever read:

Let every man of God called by Jesus Christ to the work of the ministry take his sixty-six inch blade out of its scabbard and polish it. Let every New Testament bishop get his .66 magnum out and clean it.

(The repeated mention of 66 is not a reference to the Mother Road, but to the number of books in the Bible.)

1 Talked Back:

At August 18, 2008 at 9:47:00 PM CDT, Blogger Jana Swartwood said...

I have so many problems with the theology of this article's writer! But yeah, that quote is hilarious.

 

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I'm down with LOC

Unusual Google ad I saw today:

I'm Mad at Amawy
Smile When You Outrank Your Upline!
Grab the Book & Lead System for $39
www.******************.com/Amway

First of all, if you're going to advertise for Amway, it's probably best to spell "Amway" correctly.

Secondly, what the heck does it mean to Outrank your Upline? Do I need a special tool for this? And what if I don't smile?

Lastly, it's Amway. Which, according to John Tesh, is now called Quicxstarg or something ridiculous like that. It used to be a name that someone could be proud of - American Way. I guess it's not cool to be proud to be an American anymore.

(The title of this post is a reference to an Amway product called LOC; I believe it's their equivalent to Dawn or Palmolive.)

2 Talked Back:

At August 15, 2008 at 5:34:00 PM CDT, Blogger IBOFightback - Fighting the Amway Myths said...

Google doesn't allow ads with company names in the title unless you are the company. This ad is by someone trying to pick up on "Amway" related keyword searches - they're not "selling Amway" at all. The spelling is a deliberate mistake to get past the google ad rule.

Amway in the US was merged into sister company Quixtar in 2001, however they're now in the process of reverting back to the Amway name.

cheers,
IBOFB, site admin:
Amway Watch
Amway Wiki
Amway Talk
The Truth About Amway

 

At August 15, 2008 at 6:12:00 PM CDT, Blogger stan said...

Whatever, man. Someone's been sniffing a little too much SA-8, and it ain't me.

 

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I'm really straining not to make a poop joke about this

"www.olympic.org - Official website of the Olympic Movement"

1 Talked Back:

At August 15, 2008 at 2:16:00 PM CDT, Blogger Nicole said...

"Straining?"

I wonder if the Olympic Movement is also "Precious"?

 

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Happy 20th anniversary, Dave (only one week late)

August 7th marked twenty years since I first met my best friend Dave Kirkpatrick at Eagle Fern Camp.

We've had a lot of ups and downs, and lived a lot of life since then, but I'm sure we'll always remember that first week of hanging out during the "Olympic Village '88" high school week. Dave was already familiar with the camp and the churches that were represented there, and I was a newcomer who really didn't know anyone. As was (and, I suppose, still is) customary behavior for me, I tried to blend in by making wise cracks. On the first day of camp, there was some sort of skit where there were three girls who wore garbage bags over their clothes. I don't recall what the skit was about, but I do remember leaning over to Dave and whispering something about "two-ply". He laughed and said, "Dude, you'll fit right in here." And it was that statement right there that put me at ease and made me feel at home.

A few weeks later my mom got remarried and our family moved to Oregon City. Initially, this was not the greatest experience for me, since I was halfway through high school, and I had grown up with all of my classmates. So I really didn't know anyone at the new school. But then a crazy thing happened—four months later, Dave's family also moved to Oregon City. Suddenly, I had a buddy to hang out with.

Two years of high school, 18 years of life, marriage and kids (Dave has four sons), and don't forget the countless jobs between us, and we're still best friends. I mean, sure, my best friend is Nicole, and Dave has his Angela (soon to be Mrs. Angela!), but I'll still also consider Dave to be my best friend. He came to Missouri to be my best man, and I will be in Salem in October to serve as his.

Here's to twenty more years, buddy.

3 Talked Back:

At August 14, 2008 at 1:16:00 PM CDT, Blogger Matt and Lori Graber said...

That's a wonderful post, Stan, thanks for sharing. I remember my one best friend I had in 7th grade, I met her in art class when she was having trouble drawing a character off a Rice Krispies box, so I helped her. We were best friends for a few years, and then the relationship disappeared--she went to a different school and I had a boyfriend.

 

At August 19, 2008 at 2:03:00 AM CDT, Blogger Katie said...

Congrats on your anniversary! What a wonderful thing. I love friendships that stand the test of time.

Also excited you'll be in Oregon in October.

 

At August 19, 2008 at 6:52:00 AM CDT, Blogger stan said...

Guess what, Katie, I've known you for ten years! ;)

 

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Friday, August 08, 2008

I totally che8ted

I just wanted to put up a post at 8:08 p.m. on 8/8/08.

(But I am totally cheating...It's much earlier than that right now.)

A pre-emptive decision

Well, so far on my 2008 commitments I'm batting .500 - I'm hitting it out of the park with the no soda thing, while 366 Days of Creativity seems to be hopelessly stranded on second base. Well, guess what, I still consider it success because I'm not 0-for-2. So before I start making too many ridiculous baseball references, I want to declare that I've decided to make one more commitment today:

I am not going to eat any Halloween candy this year.

I know it seems like I am making this decision too early in the year, but I think that there's a chance that some of the bigger stores (yeah, WalMart, I'm talking about you) have probably already started selling Halloween candy, or are about to very soon. In an age when I hear Christmas music in October (or in my head, earlier), anything's possible.

So that's it then. No Halloween candy in 2008. This also includes any bite-sized candy, even if it's not packaged for Halloween. Play ball!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

The stagecoach couldn't handle the weight of all those ones and zeroes

Nicole was trying to download some kind of software application to her phone just now, and she had a little bit of trouble. The website asked her for a "valid Internet e-mail address", and apparently every one she tried was being rejected. Something about being "too long," even though every one she tried was under 20 characters total.

I had to laugh at the redundancy of "Internet e-mail address". I mean, what other kind of external e-mail address is there? Bicycle? Pony Express? Railroad?? Telegraph?? I suggested that if she still couldn't get in, maybe she should type her address in Morse code.

She told me that she finally got through by (reluctantly) using her work e-mail address, which ironically, is probably the longest one she has.

1 Talked Back:

At August 7, 2008 at 6:56:00 PM CDT, Blogger Matt and Lori Graber said...

A comment on email addresses...Today in my summer class on Geography of Oregon, we were presenting to the class our fieldtrip that we took. Some people used thumbdrives, CD's, and internet locations (facebook/myspace) to access their pictures. One gal was typing in her email address into myspace and the first part of her name was "catfood". Of course, I had to ask why she choose that--it's her nickname because she use to eat the catfood when she was little. It's interesting to hear the story of email addresses and their origin. My 2 cents :)

 

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