Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Texas T-bone's Top 10 Ways to Save Gasoline

Yes, I'm blatantly lifting this material from someone else's site, but hey, it's funny:

We're all feeling the pinch (at least those of us with cars), even those of us who have recently exchanged our SUVs for more fuel-efficient machines. It's not like the difference is so great now anyway, because in the past two weeks gasoline prices have shot up what seems like 20 or 25 cents per gallon. And I live in a state that produces a lot of gas (or hot air, at least).

I offer up to you 10 ways to use less gasoline.

1. Be like Martha! Get arrested, indicted and convicted of using insider trading information and be placed under house arrest.

2. Walk everywhere you have to go. You'll be able to cancel your gym membership (and about every other appointment you have) if, like me, you live 11 miles from your office.

3. Drive where you need to go, but just coast down hills. This is a problem for me because Texas – at least my corner of it – is 90 percent flat.

4. Ride a bicycle everywhere you need to go. Hey, it's not like I'd have to pedal up too many hills, right?

5. Carpool. As in drive your car into a pool. Leave it there.

6. Trade your car in for a motorcycle, which can get tremendous gas mileage. Especially while it sits in your garage after you recover from a severe case of road rash after that guy in the Hummer cuts you off in rush-hour traffic.

7. This won't help you use less gas, but you will use less of your own: siphon! Be like Woody Woodpecker in the old cartoons and suck it out of your neighbor's tank and pour it into yours. Also cures bad breath, as in a nasty gassy smell will cover up any Hal O'Tosis you may have.***

8. Put anything other than gasoline in your tank. Result: you'll be walking or pedaling anywhere anyway because it will ruin your car.

9. Carry a jar of Grey Poupon, so when the guy in the Rolls Royce sees you at the corner while you're walking to work, he'll roll down the window and ask if you have any, to which you can exclaim, "Yes! But only if you give me a ride to work, dude."

10. Combine your trips. I don't mean run a bunch of errands at once. I mean refuel your car while you pay your credit card bills. You'll be tripping big time!

***Don't try this at home. Siphoning is a dangerous dangerous crime. If you suck some down you will regret it. Your 15 minutes of flame aren't worth it, even if you have a burning desire.

Happy motoring!

From Texas T-bone: Beef stew for the soul