Katrina flood video

All of the local officials say that the Katrina damage is far worse than the limited scope we've seen in the media. Which makes sense, since the media is severely limited as to what they can show to the outside world.

Here's a clip of just a small part of the flooding damage.

God be with them all.

Scarred by the babysitter, part 1

When I was a kid, our neighborhood babysitter had two cats: one named Number Seven, the other named Pooter.

Oh, my, this was a weird family with plenty of weird stories. I'll give you little tidbits from time to time.

The box is the box is the box

I've been hearing the phrase "think outside the box" for at least a decade now, if not longer. I always attributed it to the little picture puzzle of the 3x3 array of dots, where the object is to cross through every dot in four lines without lifting your pencil. (You have to work outside of the "box" to solve it.)

Well, on the little bookshelf here at work, I just ran across a copy of a book called "C and the Box", which is a dopey little story about a letter C who works in an office (why it isn't just a person, I don't know), and is stuck working in this box until he finds a spring, and he jumps on it and bounces out of the box, yada yada yada. I've found more inspiration inside an expired can of pork and beans. And oh yeah, the book came out in 1993. And it sells at Amazon for eighteen flippin' dollars.

The thing about "thinking outside the box" (shouldn't it be "thinking outside of the box"?) is that it has become so cliché, it's a box in and of itself. Look, I have nothing against being creative and trying new angles of looking at issues, but often times the routines - "boxes" - are in place because they work!

The hierarchy of Things in Sinks [list]

Inspired by my earlier post about Cats In Sinks, and the idea that seeing photos of dogs attempting to fit in sinks might be funnier, I have decided to start an open list of other animals or things that might be funny to see in sinks. This isn't just a play-on-words list ("Drinks In Sinks"?); try to actually imagine something that would look funny trying to fit into a sink.

(And let's keep it clean: gory, "naughty" or offensive suggestions will not be included.)

1. Dogs in Sinks (stan)
2. Horses in Sinks (stan)
3. Buses in Sinks (stan)
4. Donny Osmond in a Sink (Jim)
5. Fish in Sinks (Meagan)
6. Hippopotamuses in Sinks (Scott)
7. Steve Irwin With a Crocodile in a Sink (Scott)
8. Giraffes in Sinks (nitsuj)
9. Suspension Bridges in Sinks (stan)
10. Vending Machines in Sinks (stan)
11. Union Pacific EMD DD40AX Engines in Sinks (Scott)
12. Grandfather Clocks in Sinks (Meagan)
13. McDonald's Restaurants in Sinks (El Froggo)
14. Other, Larger Sinks in Sinks (stan)
15. Craftmatic Adjustable Beds in Sinks (sayunderpants)
16. Grandmother's False Teeth in Sinks (Mik)
17. Spaghetti and Meatballs in Sinks (Mik)
18. Ice Cream in Sinks (Mik)
19. Lions in Sinks (Scott)
20. Jim in a Sink (Jeff)
21. E-Z-GO Scooters in Sinks (Interstellarlass)
22. Segways in Sinks (Interstellarlass)
23. Sinks in Sinks, Inside Still Larger Sinks (stan)
24. Kayaks in Sinks (Interstellarlass)

Awaiting ranking...

Urine trouble, hope you're feline guilty

I just clicked over to Stuff On My Cat to check out the latest photos (the vacuum cleaner one is a classic), and happened to notice the Google ads on the right hand side. The third ad has me completely baffled:

This is wrong on so many levels. What does cat urine have to do with designer handbags? Why do the advertisers think that a designer handbag is the most appropriate thing to give to a cat owner? Is the bag lined with kitty litter? And Why Is Every Word Capitalized?

What the heck is going on here?

Perhaps a bit o' pirate fun, savvy?

On Saturday I downloaded a game called Puzzle Pirates, figuring that I'd open it up, see what it was all about, play it for a little while, then give up and go back to my normal life.

This game is FUN. And, I might add, a good cure for boredom. Are you listening, Scott? :)

It's an online game that is comprised of several smaller games. You are a pirate who interacts with other players in different situations. There are "jobs" that you can do in order to earn money, both on ships and on shore. Some jobs are actually puzzles or Tetris-like games that, once completed, earn you money. There is a set of "parlor" games as well, including Hearts, Spades, a board game, and something like Plinko on "The Price is Right".

There is also a whole game economic system that I haven't even begun to explore. It looks like you can open your own store on an island (with a significant investment), that not only sells items like clothing and swords, but provides opportunities for other players to earn their own money making your goods. There is a commodities market that you buy raw goods from. There are different items that many players can bid upon.

In all, this is a huge game, a huge online pirate world that one can easily lose themselves in.

The best part of this game is that, unlike so many other massive multiplayer games that are too dark and violent, Puzzle Pirates is much more family-friendly*, and doesn't leave you with a sick feeling after playing it.

I forgot to mention: The players all look like LEGO people.

*There is a "drinking game", but it's a board game, not really a see-who-can-hold-the-most-liquor game.

Update from the online Go Fish tourney

In the Inbox tonight, I saw two very similar (spam) messages:

8/26/2005, 8:17 AM
From: Ezra Nelson
Subject: Rachael needs a card

8/26/2005, 6:04 PM
From: Arturo Silver
Subject: Della needs a card

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET THESE WOMEN SOME CARDS??!!!

Again with the cats!

Discovered by way of Dave Barry's blog, here's a companion site to Stuff On My Cat:

Cats In Sinks

(Although, don't you think Dogs in Sinks might be funnier?)

Pleace you're orrder todaey!

I checked my PO box earlier this evening, and as I sometimes do, I dumpster-dove in their enormous recycle bin looking for any cool discarded magazines. (The bin's clean, don't worry.) I found the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, and a couple of catalogs that I really wasn't interested in.

Except there was one catalog for personalized photo albums that happened to be opened to a page which caught my eye. As I looked closer, I came to the conclusion that whoever actually makes these albums does not know how to spell worth a darn:

I'm sorry, but I couldn't in good conscience spend my money on an album which, in all likelihood, would arrive at my doorstep emblazoned with the words, "MY SUMER VACATOIN TO YELLWOSTONNE PARRK".

"I lost 10 pounds, but where are all of my teeth?"

I bought a 10-bag carton of microwave popcorn to have as a relatively healthy snack at work. It's Orville Redenbacher's 94% fat-free, butter flavor. And it's good! But I was looking at the nutrition info on the box today (wondering what the actual serving size was, as opposed to "Entire Bag"), and one major oddity stood out. The Nutrition Facts show all of the calories, fat content, etc., but for two categories: 3 Tbsp Unpopped, and 1 Cup Popped.

Which begs the question of who, in their right mind, eats unpopped popcorn.

Happy Odometer Day to me

Today, August 25, is the 12,000th day I've been alive. Funny, I don't feel a day over 11,750.

UPDATE!!!
I was wrong by a month! My 12,000th day will actually be September 25, 2005.

But no word on who portrayed the ball

I just noticed on IMDb that Stephen King has a listing in the "Himself- Filmography" section of his page, for his "appearance" at the 2004 World Series...

...as a CROWD MEMBER.

Then I clicked on that link, it turns out that every celebrity who was in the crowd is also listed. As well as every commentator. And team member. And four members of the "That 70's Show" cast.

What, no listing for the rest of the audience? What about the beer and hot dog vendors?

Getting the lead out

So once in a while I'll look at Blogger's "Blogs of Note" section (on the main Blogger page), to see if anything grabs my attention. I saw one called Anonymous Lawyer, and I had to click on it, because the title contains the word Anonymous. (It could have been Anonymous Ice Cream Vendor, or Anonymous Asphalt Truck Driver, and I still would've clicked...I'm also a sucker for ________ Insider...what can I say, I like to read the "inside scoop".)

So I'm going through the Anonymous Lawyer archives, little by little (because yes, I also have a ton of work to do), and I saw this post. The subject of the post, one of his clients, is a really funny character, almost cartoony in personality.

This guy is a pretty good storyteller, even for a soulless lawyer. :)

Texas T-bone's Top 10 Ways to Save Gasoline

Yes, I'm blatantly lifting this material from someone else's site, but hey, it's funny:

We're all feeling the pinch (at least those of us with cars), even those of us who have recently exchanged our SUVs for more fuel-efficient machines. It's not like the difference is so great now anyway, because in the past two weeks gasoline prices have shot up what seems like 20 or 25 cents per gallon. And I live in a state that produces a lot of gas (or hot air, at least).

I offer up to you 10 ways to use less gasoline.

1. Be like Martha! Get arrested, indicted and convicted of using insider trading information and be placed under house arrest.

2. Walk everywhere you have to go. You'll be able to cancel your gym membership (and about every other appointment you have) if, like me, you live 11 miles from your office.

3. Drive where you need to go, but just coast down hills. This is a problem for me because Texas – at least my corner of it – is 90 percent flat.

4. Ride a bicycle everywhere you need to go. Hey, it's not like I'd have to pedal up too many hills, right?

5. Carpool. As in drive your car into a pool. Leave it there.

6. Trade your car in for a motorcycle, which can get tremendous gas mileage. Especially while it sits in your garage after you recover from a severe case of road rash after that guy in the Hummer cuts you off in rush-hour traffic.

7. This won't help you use less gas, but you will use less of your own: siphon! Be like Woody Woodpecker in the old cartoons and suck it out of your neighbor's tank and pour it into yours. Also cures bad breath, as in a nasty gassy smell will cover up any Hal O'Tosis you may have.***

8. Put anything other than gasoline in your tank. Result: you'll be walking or pedaling anywhere anyway because it will ruin your car.

9. Carry a jar of Grey Poupon, so when the guy in the Rolls Royce sees you at the corner while you're walking to work, he'll roll down the window and ask if you have any, to which you can exclaim, "Yes! But only if you give me a ride to work, dude."

10. Combine your trips. I don't mean run a bunch of errands at once. I mean refuel your car while you pay your credit card bills. You'll be tripping big time!

***Don't try this at home. Siphoning is a dangerous dangerous crime. If you suck some down you will regret it. Your 15 minutes of flame aren't worth it, even if you have a burning desire.

Happy motoring!

From Texas T-bone: Beef stew for the soul

Just a little something to (cough) sweeten your day

While I was eating a small PB&J a few minutes ago, and washing it down with juice, I accidentally got some of the juice down my windpipe. I still had food in my mouth, though, so I had to cough with my mouth closed (difficult). This sent a little bit of sandwich up the back of my nasal cavity.

I'm through coughing now, but I'm still sniffling to clear my nose. And with every sniff, I taste the jelly/juice sweetness. That's the payoff.

If I had to guess, I'd say "sunnyside up"

Let's take a look at the wackiest recent search terms that somehow got people to this blog:

• idlefill


• mom con


• boston/beagle puppies


• jamie foxx rendition of the brady bunch


• little dingle hanging down


• dean martin, how do you like your eggs in the morning to download

They just defy explanation, don't they?

Identity crisis

A couple of months ago, I was credited as the sole author of three million blogs:

[I]t's a little known fact, but Stan is actually responsible for 99.99% of all blogs in existence -- except for your's, mine, and one written by a slightly demented eighty-six year old Haitian woman living in Duluth, Stan pretends he is three million different people and authors blogs in each of their names, he has not slept in four years

As of yesterday, I'm also revealed to be a feline:

Stan is actually one of Scott's cats, he just uses the name Stan as a nom de plume -- that's why none of Stan's pictures look like the one that it replaced.

What will it be next time, Jim? :)

If you shake a spear at a banana tree...

They used to say that an unlimited number of monkeys banging on an unlimited number of typewriters would eventually (and accidentally) type the entire works of Shakespeare.

Fortunately, there are skilled computer scientists hard at work running monkey simulators.

Time-wasting science is awesome!

Even Animal Planet has its standards [list]

Whaddaya say we do another list?

The categories: REJECTED ANIMAL SITCOMS

1. "Swinefeld" (stan)
2. "Married...With Offspring" (stan)
3. "Den Improvement" (stan)
4. "Punky Rooster" (stan)
5. "Desperate Houseflies" (Jim)
6. "Flopper" (Scott)
7. "Mad About Ewes" (Jim)
8. "Crowsanne" (stan)
9. "M*U*L*E" (stan)
10. "Goat Smart" (stan)
11. "According to Chimp" (stan)
12. "Pork and Mindy" (nitsuj)
13. "The Golden Squirrels" (nitsuj)
14. "Yes, Deer" (nitsuj)
15. "Ally McSeal" (nitsuj)
16. "The Shrimpsons" (stan)
17. "Ape Is Enough" (MH Middlechild)
18. "The Cowsby Show" (MHM)
19. "OwLF" (MHM)
20. "The Flukes of Hazzard" (MHM)
21. "I Love Lemurs"* (El Froggo)
22. "The Brady Bunch"* (Jim)
*See linked comments for explanation

REJECTED ANIMAL DRAMA/REALITY SHOWS

1. "Miami Lice" (Jim)
2. "Deer Factor" (Mik)
3. "This Old Mouse" (Mik)
4. "The Young & the Reptiles" (Mik)
5. "Paw & Order" (Mik)
6. "Dawson's Beak" (JLee5)
7. "Average Crow" (JLee5)
8. "Viva La Ram" (nitsuj)
9. "America's Next Top Waddle" (nitsuj)
10. "Boston Beagle" (nitsuj)
11. "Extreme Makerover" (nitsuj)
12. "Quantum Sheep" (stan)
13. "Tiger Eye for the Lion Guy" (stan)
14. "Magnum P.I.G." (MHM)
15. "Little Mouse on the Prairie" (MHM)
16. "The Incredible Hawk" (MHM)
17. "Hill Street Shrews" (MHM)
18. "SeaSI" (Andrew-TLA)
19. "Battlestarfish Galactica" (Andrew-TLA)
20. "The Cat from U.N.C.L.E." (Andrew-TLA)

Some e-mails have all the luck

Just received in my Inbox:

CONGRATULATIONS !!! YOUR EMAIL HAS WON A MICROSOFT PRIZE:

Well, what about me? It's my e-mail after all, do I get something, too? I want a Microsoft prize!

The [plastic brick] that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone

Also on The Wheezer Society blog, a little further down the page from New York Changing, is a link to The Abston Church of Christ, which is a miniature church constructed entirely of LEGOs.

They say the builder has wayyyy too much time on her hands..I say that this thing is totally amazing!

The Big Apple, then and now

A few years ago at Powell's Books, I ran across a coffee table book called Oregon Then and Now, in which a photographer used a volume of older photos of the state, then shot new photos from the same vantage points so as to visually document the changes over the decades.

Today I just found a similar collection of then-and-now photos, but the subject is New York City. The site is called New York Changing, and it's quite fascinating.

1936 1997

Credit goes to The Wheezer Society, who posted about this earlier today.

"Desperate Housewives", according to me

[DISCLAIMER: I have never watched an episode of "Desperate Housewives", or even a portion thereof. The descriptions I give for this television show are based solely upon my own impressions of what little I've heard or read about it. Names of actors and characters that I didn't know, I just made up.]

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, Sundays, 9pm, ABC

Teri Hatcher................Karen Essuvee
Eva Longoria................Michelle Spinachdip
Lillian Gish................Sharon Blondelady
LaFawnduh Lucas-Dynamite....Karen Soccerpractice
Brad Pitt (or Jamie Foxx)...UPS Man, Gardener, etc.
David Arquette..............Nameless Insensitive Husband #1
Peter Weller................Nameless Insensitive Husband #2
Judge Reinhold..............Nameless Insensitive Husband #3
Garry Trudeau...............Nameless Insensitive Husband #4
John Ratzenberger...........Cliff Claven

Synopsis: Four suburban housewives get together during the day to exchange recipes for cakes and casseroles, talk about how their kids are doing in school, and drink lots and lots of iced tea.

Well, that's how it might be if Hollywood wasn't involved, because Hollywood finds that kind of stuff BORING. This is more likely a suburban cross between "Sex and the City" and, I don't know, pro wrestling, with four back-biting, far-too-skinny women strutting around trying to compete for who's prettiest, while at the same time agreeing on how bad their husbands are in every conceivable aspect.

Oh yeah, I just remembered that Felicity Huffman might be in the cast. She was great as a fast-talking producer on "Sports Night", wasn't she? I wonder what she's like on here.

So anyway, since these housewives are all feeling trapped in their loveless marriages - they're Desperate, remember? - they're out looking for "opportunities" in other men, like delivery guys (as if a random UPS guy is going to be more sensitive to a woman's needs than the man she married). The husbands are all like, "What's with all of these Amazon boxes? You've never been a reader." Meanwhile, the kids are all, "Why do we have to go to soccer practice every day? We're not even on teams, and soccer sucks!" but they still get shuffled to and from the fields. If ABC was smart, they'd just have the kids plopped down in front of Disney movies the whole time, get a little cross-promo going.

I've officially run out of things to say about this show I haven't watched, so be sure to tune in every Sunday night for another example of how you, the average actual person, are not living!

McSweeney's Lists, submission #2

I'm up far too late tonight, mainly because I've had a lot of catching up to do on Homestar Runner. But I also just submitted another list to McSweeney's, so wish me luck. (Can't tell you what the list is this time, but I'll post it when I'm rejected.)

That's all

Lesser-Known Movie Prequels: The Prequel

I heard back from McSweeney's this morning, and they've decided to pass on my list of prequels. Since they're not going to post them, or any others I've written, I will!

1. It's A Wonderful Conception
2. Capture Willy
     (not to be confused with Wacky Willy!)
3. So I Went On My First Date With an Axe Murderer
4. High 9:30 A.M.
5. Wayne's Country
6. Just Before Batman Begins
7. Novice Ventura: Pet Enthusiast
8. Colonial Graffiti
9. Fahrenheit 9/10
10. Star Wars, Episode -3: The Kenobi Baby
11. Dude, Don't Forget Where We Parked
12. Apocalypse Tomorrow
13. The Brady/Tyler Single-Parent Household Movie
14. Louis XVI Dynamite
15. The West Hasn't Yet Been Won
16. Embryos of a Lesser God

From the original post:
17. Mornings of Thunder
18. Reservoir Puppies
19. Egg Run

Funniest Misspeak of the Day

Businesswoman on her phone, overheard on the corner while waiting for the light to change:

"I have a wireless mouth."

Wacky Willy

A decade ago, Scott (Ashman) and I both worked for an auto parts distributor in central SE Portland. Every other week or so, we would see an older gentleman pedaling around the neighborhood of the warehouse on his three-wheeler, yelling out for "Cans! Cans!". There was a wire basket behind his seat, always with a dozen or so empty beer and soda cans scrambling around inside. Because of his eccentric nature, we all started calling him Wacky Willy. Once in a while, Willy would roll up to the bay door in the new warehouse and ask us if we had any cans. We always had a few for him.

One of the funniest things to see was how people would react to Willy's presence. He'd ride directly across the streets with no regard for the impatient drivers who had to wait for him. He'd cross in crosswalks against the green light, much to everyone's annoyance. Well, unless you were local, then you just let him go his own way with a smile and a wave. But outsiders would honk and yell, red-faced, which delighted Willy all the more.

Later, one of our customers told us that his name was actually Leroy (I think; help me out here, Scott), and that he was far from being a penniless transient. In fact, I sometimes used to see him sitting inside McDuff's Pub around the corner enjoying a nice lunch and beer, which wasn't so cheap. Despite this revelation, however, we still called him Wacky Willy, because we liked him better as a crazy, can-collecting old character.

I hadn't thought of Willy for years, until I spotted him today on my way to work. (I apologize for the extremely bad quality of this picture. I saw him out of the corner of my eye while driving, so I circled around the block and got my camera ready. I had to snap the photo blindly through the passenger-side window while going 25 mph.)

The orange blob in the middle of the photo is Willy's back. He was wearing a safety vest. Below that, you can just make out the triangular safety triangle affixed to his three-wheeler. I also noticed that he's got some pretty sweet, expensive-looking racing wheels on that thing now, not the old bent spokeys from years past.

Good old Wacky Willy.

ATTENTION TAILGATERS

See this? This is why I don't go 30 miles over the speed limit like you apparently want me to. I'll go the legal limit, maybe 5 over, and I'll stay in the right lane, out of your way.

So back off!

Okay, here's one pic from the beach.

South Jetty, Fort Stevens State Park, Oregon:

On the left, the Pacific Ocean. On the right, the mouth of the mighty Columbia River. The jetty extends into the sea quite a ways; from where I stood, it looked like it'd take a couple of hours or more of rock-traversing just to get to the tip.

Here's the satellite view to give you a sense of scale. This photo was from the observation tower. Later, (as will be seen in a couple of pics to be added later) I was standing on the part where the sandy beach to the north touches the jetty.

Hopefully, it also features earplugs

Guess what? I was just asked to be the official photographer for X Fest NW 2005 in Skamania, Washington over Labor Day weekend. I've never done anything like it, but it sounds like fun.

CHRISTIAN UNDERGROUND

MUSIC FESTIVAL

FEATURING: INDIE-POP, HIP-HOP, PUNK, HARD-CORE, METAL, ELECTRONICA AND MORE!

Here's the schedule:

9/2

 5pm Madagascar
 6pm Phillips 33 lp
 7pm Soul Plasma
 8pm Joshua Fire
 9pm Reclaim the Fallen
10pm Royal Blue
11pm Blessed Be You
12pm Dear Whoever

9/3

 9am Worship - Nathan Ganz
10am Oden Soterias
11am Pligrims
12pm The Carolines
 1pm The Victory Sting
 2pm Prevailing Words
 3pm Urban Truth
 4pm Bruthaz Grimm
 5pm Jaycob Van Auken
 6pm 3lb Soul
 7pm Darkfield illuminatoR
 8pm Idlefill
 9pm Saint
10pm Brutal Fight
11pm The Stivs
12am IGNITION -Featuring BaSsIx, Kinetic, cloudburst +more

9/4

 9am Pastor Steve Ganz Tree of Life Church
10am Worship - 3lb Soul
11am Six Color Press
12pm tek/son
 1pm Nviah-nevi
 2pm Beleive
 3pm Fire Proof
 4pm TBA
 5pm Ripe
 6pm Two Twenty
 7pm The Monroe
 8pm Creswell
 9pm Selah P.R.
10pm The BlackStones
11pm Totalisti
12am THE PROM (80’s style!) Bring your best/worst Napoleon Dynamite tux and your best ripped dress!!!

You will be left unattended, so behave

I'm going to the coast (as I just said two posts ago), and I'm not coming back until Sunday, so you kids had better be on your best behavior while I'm away, you hear me?

Until then, I leave you with a photo:

See ya later.

Speaking of pumped...

I am completely pumped about this Canadian band I just accidentally found:

The Trews

This is their myspace page. It'll automatically play a few of their songs.

Here's their video for "So She's Leaving". (It's the first of a director's reel, so there's something different after the video finishes.)

Their album, Den of Thieves, comes out on August 16th. I'm gonna have to buy it.

I'm pumped (literally)

Tomorrow after work I'm heading to Fort Stevens State Park, which is up on the northwestern tip of Oregon, because this weekend is my church's Family Camp. So I'm getting ready tonight, and I have this beach volleyball that I want to bring, but it's completely deflated. The only pump I have is this crappy hand pump, which I bought like 10 years ago, and it's not what you would call airtight. Add that to the fact that until the ball is almost completely inflated, it, too, is not airtight (strange, but true), and you're talking about some real work. It's two steps forward, one step back.

So here I am, pumping this crappy pump like a madman on crack, working up a sweat, increasing my heart rate, and I'm thinking, if I did this once a day I'd have my entire cardio workout done without even standing up. Whoo!

Recent search engine queries

Just looking at the short list of recent search engine queries that inexplicably brought people to this blog:

• #1 on Yahoo: pictures of Aruba Jam Sprite Remix (Yes! Number 1!)
• #9 on MSN when you search for: stan (Stan Lee, creator of Spider-Man, doesn't appear until #33...take that, Spider-Geeks)
• #16 on Yahoo: "wait for it, wait for it"
• #39 on Yahoo UK & Ireland: long fingernails
• #32 on MSN: delicious stuff (#33 is PlanetDelicious.com)

And the weirdest one...

• #1, #3, and #11 on Yahoo UK & Ireland: steaming poo bmp

I'm so proud of you... *sniffle*

Um, I don't know, "baby-sized"?

Just overheard a conversation between two ladies, one of them describing her sister's new baby. It's a conversation I've heard hundreds of times over, they're always asking about the dimensions of the child. What has always baffled me is, why is it important how many pounds, ounces, and inches this kid is? I mean, sure, if he's like 25 pounds or something, well, that's something to talk about, but other than that, I don't give a flying flip about the specifics.

What I find funny is that people always seem to know how their own dimensions at the time of their birth. How on earth did they know that? Were they laying on the scale, all of one minute old, saying, "Hey, nurse, what's the verdict?" Okay, so their moms told them. But why did they find it important enough to remember, and share with other people?

Yet again, I feel like an alien looking in at your species, thinking, "Your kind is so weird."

Reverse "ghost ad"

For those who don't know what a ghost ad is, it's an advertisement that was painted upon the wall of a building a long time ago, and has since faded, but isn't removed due to its historical value. Often, the companies advertised in the ad went out of business decades ago. The city of Portland has many, many ghost ads downtown, especially in the Pearl District. They definitely add to the charm of the area.

This ad was found on a building at the east end of the Hawthorne bridge, and it's unique among its kind. It started as an ad for Coca-Cola painted on a west-facing wall, but then another building (the one you see here) was built right up against the first one, obscuring the ad. Years later, the first building was demolished, but the paint from its ad had transferred to the east-facing wall of the second building, which is why it shows up in reverse.

But first, here's a little backstory [list]

McSweeney's just added a few more lists, one of which is "Lesser Known Movie Prequels". My favorite: There are Plenty of Mohicans.

Naturally, I began to think of more, and I made a list of my own, not surprisingly called "More Lesser-known Movie Prequels". I just sent it off. Let's see how it does.

I won't put up my twelve ideas yet (something about previously "published" work not being eligible for McSweeney's), but let's get a new reader-submitted list going, to continue the fun! Read the original list if you need an idea of how it works.

Note: remember, the concept here is "before", not just "diminished version of" or "opposite of". It's mainly just replacing one or two key words in an existing movie's title. Ideally, they will be easy enough to figure out without explanation, and don't forget funny! (That's why Second to the Last of the Mohicans would be good, but There Are Plenty of Mohicans is better.)

Example: Mornings of Thunder - Mornings come before days; thus, it's a prequel to Days of Thunder.

1. Private Ryan, Heathen (nitsuj)
2. The Completely Different Suspects (sayunderpants)
3. Temporary Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (sayunderpants)
4. Happy Max (ashman)
5. Came With the Wind (Jim)
6. Prince Kong (Jim)
7. The Touchables (ashman)
8. The Impregnation of a Large Land Mass (Jim)
9. Tomorrow (Samuel John Klein)
10. Immigrant Kane (Klein)
11. The Opening Skirmish of the Worlds (Klein)
12. Who Started to Develop a Grudge Against Roger Rabbit? (Andrew-TLA)
13. Who Just Said Gilbert Grape Looks Tasty? (nitsuj)
14. Lord of the Rings: The King is Going on Vacation (El Dave)
15. Losing Nemo (Jim)
16. The Matrix: Out of Ammunition (El Froggo)
17. Black Hawk Takes Off Without Incident (El Froggo)

That's a new one

From a couple of cubicles over, I just heard a guy sneeze, then mutter under his breath, "Darned chocolate."

What the heck is he doing with chocolate?

Places I've lived

Inspired by Scott's list of places he's lived, I decided to present a similar list. But since I've always lived in the Portland area, I had to "zoom in" a bit further than Scott did.

11/72 - 4/76: SE 91st Ave., Portland, Ore.
4/76 - 9/88: NE Holladay St., [Gresham*], Ore.
9/88 - 3/92: Bedford Dr., Oregon City, Ore.
3/92 - 1/93: E 18th St., Vancouver, Wash.
1/93 - 4/93: SE 81st Ave., Portland, Ore.
4/93 - 4/94: NE 53rd Ave., Portland, Ore.
4/94 - 6/94: NE 118th Ave., Portland, Ore.
6/94 - 6/95: E 18th St., Vancouver, Wash.
6/95 - 10/97: NE Glisan St., Portland, Ore.
10/97 - 9/01: NE Oregon St., Portland, Ore.
9/01 - 11/01: SE 77th Ave., Portland, Ore.
11/01 - 1/04: NE 55th Ave., Portland, Ore.
1/04 - 9/06: SE Aldercrest Ct., Milwaukie, Ore.
9/08 - 3/08: Morgan Heights, Carthage, Mo.
3/08 - present: Oronogo, Mo.

*Unincorporated East Multnomah County, annexed to Gresham 1988 or 1989

updated October 2006

Time to play "Guess My Favorite Food"

Take a wild guess what this driver's favorite food is.

Hint: NOT pork chops.

Chunk/Filter Watch, Conclusion

Day 3, 5:45 pm: The subject has either departed or was removed from the theater of study. A cursory check of the local plant areas and refuse containers revealed nothing.

This observer's conclusion: After two days of investigative pondering, I have deduced that the "dead" woman who called twice was actually Reese Roper (singer and NASA operative), who was trying to tell me to stop reporting on the whereabouts of a fallen chunk of the Discovery (or thoughtlessly discarded, dirty air filter), and, when I wouldn't answer the phone, instructed his shadow agent, disguised as a tree under house arrest, to confiscate the item.

This concludes my investigation.
Stan W. Kost
August 7, 2005

Discovery Chunk/Sentient Filter Watch Update

DAY 3, 7:55am: The missing chunk of the space shuttle Discovery, or a sentient air filter, moved very little over the past 15 hours. It appears to have gravitated a few inches north toward its position at this time yesterday.

Again, there has been no attempt made to remove this object from the public city sidewalk.

DAY 3, 8:45am: No change in position. Perhaps it's resting.

Sherpa no more

Just a brief note: After two years of having Joel and Steve available for a large audience through uClick's Comics Sherpa site, I have canceled the service.

Because of my once-every-NEVER comic update schedule for the past year and a half, I didn't feel it was worth $99 per year (more now, I hear) to keep showing the same episode for months at a time.

Filter/Chunk Watch Update

DAY 2, 5:07pm: While nobody actually stopped to pick up the air filter/space shuttle chunk, it was moved about six feet south of its morningtime position.

(As an impartial observer, I must not interfere by moving/disposing of the subject.)

We wondered why the new bookshelf was meowing

Funny site I just found:

Stuff on My Cat.

It is as it sounds - people pile stuff on top of their cats, then take a picture. Some of these are absolutely hilarious.

Phone call from the dead

Even though I never get calls from telemarketers on my cell phone (as far as I know), I still won't answer a call if I don't recognize the number on the caller ID. But if I'm at a computer, I'll do a reverse search on the number to see if I know who it was (unless they leave a voice mail).

This morning I got one of those calls, and when I looked the number up, it was assigned to a woman in Hillsboro (about 20 miles west of here). Her name was oh-so-vaguely familiar, so I Googled it. Only three hits, and they were all obituary listings from 2004. Same name, including middle initial - and very unique, so I know it's the same person. The deceased was also from Hillsboro.

So I figure that either her ghost is calling me, or she placed the call last year and it just now rang my phone. Interesting.

Sidewalk Air Filter OR Discovery Chunk Watch

DAY 2*, 7:55am: Yesterday morning as I was walking from the parking garage to the office, I noticed this dirty air filter on the sidewalk:

Funny, when I glanced it yesterday, it appeared clean and new. I thought it was strange that someone would leave an unused air filter on a sidewalk.

I'll keep my eye out to see how long it remains here. I won't be watching it on the weekend.

Thank you Jim, it just might be a chunk of space shuttle Discovery. NASA has been alerted but won't be able to retrieve the chunk immediately due to their grounding of all flights.

*I didn't post anything on Day 1, because I didn't anticipate it still being there this morning.

I found my twin brother!

There once was a band called Five Iron Frenzy that played really good Christian ska music in the late 90's, back when ska was huge. I mean, they played good music before and after then, too, but that's when they reached the big time, at least in the Christian music world. They didn't always play ska, though: they had written several other songs that didn't fit into their ska "mold", and they released albums of these songs under the moniker Brave Saint Saturn. The band has dismantled since then, but their lead singer, Reese Roper, has formed another band called...Roper.

Roper played at the Creation West music festival in George, Washington last weekend, and my buddy Justin, who's a big fan of them, went to see their show. He also got a picture with Reese, and noted that he looked a lot like me. A few years ago, I, too, noticed this similarity when looking at a BSS album cover, but never really noticed the strong resemblance until I saw his picture on Justin's blog.

Take a look:

I'd better call Mom. I think there's something she's not telling me.

If you need to reach me, write me a letter

Yesterday I misplaced my cell phone, and I'm feeling kind of naked without it. I'm edgy and nervous, wondering if the morning dew on the grass, where I think I might have left it, damaged it. I was at a farm last night, and there are ducks and chickens walking around all the time. Maybe one of them's pecking or pooping on it right now. The sun's coming out later, I hope that the phone doesn't get sun damaged!

The trouble with cell phones is that because it's so easy to call people I know from speed dial, I've eliminated the need to actually memorize anyone's phone number. Plus, since there's no land line at my house, I can't even call my roommates to help me find the phone - I don't know what their cell numbers are.